“I am guilty of asking the Senate for pork and proud of the Senate for giving it to me.” -Ted Stevens

Ted Stevens has been indicted for bribery, corruption, and looking like Emperor Palpatine.*

Stevens (R-SITH) is actually being prosecuted for failing to disclose like 8 billion dollars (ok, ok $250,000) of home renovations done by Veco, a company which is also involved in the oil industry. Guess who supports drilling in Alaska?

You may remember Stevens from his Bridge to No Where fame. Stevens has directed nearly 3.3 billion dollars in funding and projects to Alaska. And I thought Republicans were supposed to support small government?

Perhaps you remember him from his Series of Tubes (You really, really wanna watch the whole video) debacle, during which he sounded like a fucking retarded and proved he should not be making policy on these matters.

Or any matters.

*Thanks to Shaugn for letting me steal his joke.

“I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.” -Woody Allen

Idiot state senator from South Carolina, Kevin Bryant, is both a doosh and utterly unfunny.

From Wonkette:

Ok ok, we get it. His name is weird and rhymes with things. Can we please, please, please find something else to poke fun at? This shit is old. We can speculate on where Obama’s “Kill Whitey” tattoo is instead.

Huffington Post blogger, Nico Pitney, got ahold of Bryant to ask him about it.

When asked if he thinks Obama actually has terrorist ties, Bryant replied,

“I don’t think he’s tied to terrorists, no. I do think he’s probably more sympathetic to nations that allow terrorism than I would prefer. And that’s why I posted it. Am I saying that him and Osama work together? No, I’m not saying that at all.”

When asked what religion he thinks Obama practices, Bryant responded,

“That’s a good question. I don’t know.”

I suppose you can’t fault him for being as dumb and ignorant as everyone else, can you?

Note: Dan beat me to it.