“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.” -Frank Zappa

Though I love football, I can’t say I’ve been following the dispute between the coaches and the players particularly closely. Maybe it’s because I’m overseas and there’s no news coverage of it here. Or maybe it’s hard to be especially interested when millionaires get into bitch fights with billionaires. What I have been reading has mostly come from the Freakonomics blog.

I’m not normally a big reader of Dead Spin, but my brother posted this article about the labor dispute a few days ago and I thought it is pretty spot on. Also, it’s hilarious, and it has a graphic of zombie NFL fans.

From the articles, here’s how we got to the point where there is a lockout:

“A few years ago, the players and owners agreed to a new CBA [collective bargaining agreement --Ed.], with only Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown voting against the agreement, in Wilson’s case because he’s old and easily confused by things.

Then, almost immediately after that agreement was approved, all the other owners suddenly decided WHOA HEY! THIS AGREEMENT BLOWS! And so, this March, they opted out of that agreement and locked out the players.”

Drew Magary also manages to destroy most of the arguments found in Atlas Shrugged in one fell swoop.

“Do you know how many NFL teams are owned by people who inherited their respective franchises? Eleven. ELEVEN. Over one third of all NFL teams belong to people who did nothing to deserve them except shoot out of the right uterus or fuck the right spouse. Two more NFL teams are owned by scions of American industrial giants (the Lions and Jets). And somehow this makes them business geniuses who deserve to lock out their employees and rob the country of its favorite sport? Really? The same shrewd people who apparently screwed themselves into such an allegedly shitty labor deal not but a few years ago? Is there ANY situation in which a billionaire can be fucking wrong, then? Or is their wealth simply an overriding character trait that trumps all flaws?”

So, in summation, the richer of two groups of rich people decided they didn’t like a labor agreement they agreed to, got their tighty-whities in a twist over it, and have decided to rob us all of football.

You can add them to the list of people who are going to burn in that special level of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.