More Not So Great Relationship Advice

“He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it.” -Karl von Knebel

I already discussed my distaste of Ian Kerner’s advice. He’s back, this time, discussing when it’s ok to spy on your partners online. Kerner asks,

“But what about when trust is not a given in your relationship, and you’re worried that your partner might be engaging in behaviors that you’d consider inappropriate?”

What the hell do you mean when trust is not a given in a relationship? What the hell kind of fucked up relationships are you in? If you’re in a relationship with out trust, you need to get out of it. If you can’t trust your partner, why are you in a relationship with them?

Kerner wants you to ask yourself several questions before you consider snooping in your partner’s online life. Questions such as:

“Is your spouse in touch with former flames or members of the opposite sex via a social networking site such as Facebook? If so, does it make you uncomfortable?
Do you feel like you don’t know what’s going on, that these “friendships” aren’t
out in the open?”

So if you’re insecure because your partner is talking to their high school girlfriend online you should snoop?

Another question:

“Is your spouse a flirt when you’re out in public?”

I don’t even know how this is relevant. If you’re assuming that flirtatious personality increases the likelihood of cheating (which I disagree with), then isn’t your spouse just as likely to cheat “in public?” Is Kerner also supporting stalking your at work?

Or this one

“Does your partner criticize or joke at your expense when you’re out in public
or make negative comments about your relationship to others?”

Yeah, online, offline, you are in a bad relationship. Unplugging your partners laptop isn’t going to make them not a doosh.

Kerner ends with this

“Nobody likes to be snooped on, but nobody likes to snoop either. Neither
position has the moral high ground…”

Yes, one position does. The non-snooper does. Even if you discover your partner is doing something bad online, you’re violating their trust by snooping. If you do what they did, you’re just as bad as they are.

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