“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” –Stanley Randall

As a way to make some extra cash and supplementing my super awesome graduate student salary, I’ve been evaluating freshman undergraduate applications. Mostly it’s pretty dull stuff. Read essays and recommendation letters. Fill out a form ranking the students. Generally the students are pretty average, similar grades, life experiences, interests.

However, sometimes a few gems pop up. And by gems I mean “What the fuck was this kid thinking when they wrote that?”

I had a girl write an entire essay about how much she loved her cell phone, how “awesome” it is, and how she couldn’t live without it.

I had a teacher write a recommendation letter which included a note about how the student “should have tried harder.”

Another teacher wrote (about a different student from above) that they don’t complete homework assignments.

One kid included a section of the fantasy sports he enjoys playing on his resume.

I had several kids include pictures of themselves on their resume. I’m not sure why. First, the pics are usually “senior photos.” Ya know, the professional pictures that a kid gets done for senior year. Usually there is a formal one for the yearbook and some miscellaneous ones that are supposed to show your personality. Apparently the picture calls attention to the fact that you play tennis (hence the tennis racket in the photo). Although this point is also listed on your resume…

This is our future people.

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