You couldn’t escape the media coverage in 2009 of Chris Brown assaulting his then-girlfriend, Rihanna. Afterwards, graphic photos of Rihanna’s injuries were leaked. Rihanna became the poster-young-adult for a domestic violence victim.
Months later, Rihanna did a photo shoot for Italian Vogue. The shoot was dark and gothy and included some bondage themes. I think the photos are gorgeous, you can judge for yourself. Some, however, disagreed vehemently with Rihanna’s decision to participate.
The controversy has resurfaced recently with the release of the video for Rihanna’s latest single, S&M. The song and video, of course, touch on some S&M themes, depict Rihanna tied up, and include the lyrics “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.” Predictably, a vocal group of people disapproved.
“Are we sure she is a victim of domestic violence?….or was it just sex???”
Hey, abuse victims! Wanna try out those fuzzy pink novelty handcuffs? DENIED! Now that you have been the victim of abuse, you must have all of your sexual interactions on a bed of rose petals while listening to Kenny G. Clearly there is no difference in life between acts you consent to and acts you don’t. That’s why strong safety Quintin Mikell is legally allowed to tackle you whenever he damn well pleases.
Rihanna didn’t consent to being hit by Chris Brown. She did consent to the photoshoot and the video. Therein lies the apparently difficult-to-comprehend difference. To say that because Rihanna (or any abuse victim) likes getting spanked or being tied up, she must have been okay with her assault is akin to saying that because I play soccer, it’s okay to slide tackle me in the grocery store. Or the because I enjoy having sex, raping me is totally acceptable.
Your sexual preferences do not make it okay for someone to assault you. Being the victim of assault does not mean you have to change your preferences. An unconsented-to attack on your person is, in no way, the same as a consensual sexual interaction, no matter how rough it might be.
(This post orginally appeared as a guest post on Britni’s Blog. Since Britni is off decorating her new love nest, I’ve taken over responsibility for not letting her blog become an internet graveyard.)